Category: Lifestyle

The widow of former prime minister Meles Zenawi has refused to leave Ethiopia’s national palace for the country’s new leader and his family.

According to government sources, Mrs Azeb Mesfin has ignored instructions to move to a new residence that would also be accorded full security detail.

The government has given Mrs Azeb and her children the option of three residential villas in Addis Ababa but she is said to have refused to even visit any out of her own security concerns.

Government officials recently wrote a letter requesting her to leave the palace for the new prime minister, Mr Hailemariam Desalegn.

The new leader and his family are currently living in a small residential villa in the western suburb of the capital.

Mr Hailemariam was sworn in last month after having served as interim premier since Mr Meles’ death on August 20. An internal struggle over whether to confirm him into office was said to have had the widow as one of the main players.

Due to the delay in transferring the palace, Mr Hailemariam is forced to stay in office late in the night and head back very early in the morning to avoid being inconvenienced by the busy Addis Ababa street that leads from his current home to his office.

He is reportedly also avoiding inconveniencing city residents and uses less security detail than his predecessor.

The government has deployed tight security around his current home but wants him to move to the more guarded palace.

Mrs Azeb is one of the top officials and a former rebel fighter under the Tigrian Peoples Liberation Front (TPLF), one of the four coalition partners of the powerful ruling party, during the 17-year armed struggle against Mengistu Hailemariam’s Marxist regime.

A mother of three, she secured a parliamentary seat in 2005 and was re-elected in 2010.

She also heads the multi-billion dollar ruling party-owned business conglomerate, EFFORT.

One evening, I walked from ORINFOR offices to the bus stop named after Kimicanga. As I was approaching, I saw a fourteen-year old Didier wiping silently behind other people who wore selfish faces.

On my arrival, I asked the sad boy and he answered me shedding more tears that he had waited for the bus for almost two hours.

The school boy went on saying that some buses had approached with empty seats but whenever he tried to board, he was pushed back. Having told me about the bad story, I thought the best solution is to speak for him and that’s what I did until he left.

It’s normally known that the one who expects to be paid back is the one who lent. In this context, some parents do the reverse where they need discipline from their children when they didn’t set examples for the young ones.

Failure to be exemplary to children makes them indiscipline which in turn makes parents complain time after time and even those who take pie as pie would tell you negative stories about the youths if you asked them.

In this article, Didier’s serves as a general case. I would, therefore, like to remind parents and adults in general of the bad practices that should be abstained from, so as to have children and youths who are well-behaved.

I would also like to start with home life. A child is like a visitor, the world in which he finds you is like a home and the parent is like a host from whom the visitor expects hospitality.

Now you can imagine if a visitor is neglected; you fail to welcome him, you don’t show him where to sit, and you show no or little love to him. It’s clear that after some time he can change from good to bad behaviors on the basis of your weaknesses.

Nowadays, most of the parents (not all) do not do enough to bring up children in the right way. In fact, some of those parents were also never given care in their early days and so they can’t give what they don’t have. Some others lack time in line with hard life they live, and a number of others are just negligent by nature.

Some questions arise. How can you expect your children to greet you if you don’t greet them when you arrive at home? If at times you use dirty words in presence of your children, don’t you think they are recording your words on their minds?

If you always go home drunk, is that a good example your children should follow? If frequently you violate the rights of your spouse, don’t you think your children will do the same when they grow up?

In Rwanda’s culture, a child is expected to respect all elder people as much as he does to his parents. But this is possible by the condition that you treat the other child in the way you treat your own children. This is the reality of life.

One of exemplary parents gave us an important advice in this statement “Treat every child as your own” but this is always ignored by many parents in different ways.

The best example to serve this point is the times of evenings where you find many people at bus stops waiting for the buses to take them home. You will see adult people pushing school children carelessly when actually it’s getting dark. Here you can ask yourself the concept the child picks at that moment.

If you mistreat children in the same way, how do you wait for respect from them? Remember that by the time the child grows to be energetic like you are today, you will have grown weaker. You are pushing him for no reason; he will step on you for that reason.

I urge the bus drivers and conductors to be considerate to young children before elders as the adult people have many ways of solving their problems.

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Imagine a 15-year-old girl who thinks she might be pregnant. This was her first sexual experience. It was unplanned. It was even unwanted, but now she thinks she may be pregnant and she doesn’t know what to do.

Now imagine another 15-year-old girl who is on her sixth partner this year. She’s been lucky; she has not got pregnant. She’s thinking of getting tested for STDs. She may be regretting her choices, maybe not.

What is the difference between their motivations and ours? There is really very little difference. The reality is that these girls are simply acting, to the best of their ability, to find a lover of their soul.

We are relational beings. We desire to know and be known. We crave intimacy. We all want to be loved, recognised and accepted.

Teenagers are also looking for acceptance and recognition, and without knowing it, they are looking for the lovers of their souls. They are going about it as they assume they must from the messages they are given from our culture. Sex is everywhere: TV, music, movies. Kids talk about it all the time. The casual way in which it is discussed gives you a clue as to how it is approached. Many of the ways sex is acted out among teenagers would shock you.

What we see are girls trying to fulfill relationship and intimacy needs as well as the need for recognition and acceptance with sex. They are looking for power and equality but do not realise that that is exactly what they are giving away.

Why do you think teenagers have sex? These are the reasons they give: boredom, nothing else to do, a way to pass the time, hormones, bragging right, goal setting, peer pressure, pressure from partner, curiosity, to get it over with, and sometimes, “they think they’re in love.”

They talk about sex, yet what they are most interested in is relationship skills. Most girls want to know how to tell a guy, “no” without hurting his feelings. They also want to know how to deal with the pain of a break-up (because they know a break-up is inevitable).

But most teenagers are verbally sexually active, meaning they talk about sex as if they are participants. And recent studies show that 13-year-olds are physically sexually active.

This is not only true of the “unchurched” crowd. At the our Pregnancy Care Centre, we see girls from the churches. And there are many we do not see. These girls take care of their unwanted pregnancy quickly and quietly so no one else will know. It is their big secret. Many times it is kept from their parents and even their friends. Secrets like that can be very painful and divisive, and can follow generation after generation.

Many girls are desperate for love. They feel they don’t have the option to say, “no.” And with today’s society so focused on sex and many girls so willing to accommodate boys’ requests, they may be right. To refuse to “put out” is to lose the relationship, and with the girls so desiring of relationship they feel to “put out” is their only option.

Sex has lost its sacredness and beauty and has become recreational and casual. It’s gone from being the culminating act of a loving commitment to a precondition, a tryout, for future involvement.

There is a frequent complaint that boys rarely ask girls out anymore. Instead they go to parties, drink, pair off and if the mood suits, have sex. Young women who feel as sexually free as it is possible to feel are still powerless. Girls like boys boast of their sexual experience, but are aware that their reputation have been badly damaged and that the boys lose respect for them.

Some girls meet their intimacy needs by creating their own families. They aren’t meeting it through sex. Sex is just the vehicle. They are using men to have children, and are creating their own “family” so they can love, be loved and be needed. They are creating their own “community.”

Then there is the gang community. When a girl joins a gang, especially in school, she is treated as the lowest on the totem pole. They have to be accountable to the gang and follow the rules. These rules are not for their own good as they would be in a family, but the girls join anyway. For attention and acceptance, these girls find they need to be down and dirty. They laugh at the same jokes, even the sexually degrading ones, and treat sex as a recreation, a conquest, not as an emotional commitment.

If you are a parent of a teenagers, what can you do to help them make wise choices about their sexuality?

Let them know your expectation of them in the area of sexuality. Be very clear about your own values and attitudes. Set definite boundaries for them in the areas of dating and weekend activities. Make them accountable to you as to their whereabouts and activities. Sometimes a lack of opportunity is all the help they need.

Help them see the discrepancies between the media and real life. Use time spent together watching TV or movies to facilitate a discussion on sex and dating.

Learn to listen. Start communicating early and often. Keep discussion open; don’t over or under explain. Avoid lecture format. Show them what good, responsible relationships should be.

Abakobwa bacu,

Today we celebrate the ‘International Day of the Girl Child’ a day that the whole world has dedicated to you. A day that will promote your rights as girls, highlight gender inequalities that remain between you and your brothers and look for ways to correct any discrimination and abuse suffered by girls around the globe.

We in Rwanda for the first time are celebrating ‘International Day of the Girl Child’ and as a nation we honour our young girls and prepare you to become women of integrity in your own right.

I would like to remind you of the strength that you carry within you. Rwanda continues to do its best to create a level playing field for you and your brothers. Opportunities have been laid forth for you; schools, programs, scholarships to mention a few.

It is now up to you to step up, claim what you have always had the right to have, join the boys and show that you are also capable. We are behind you all the way. So seize every chance and do so with confidence!

As I am sure your parents, guardians and mentors have told you, it takes more than a good education and the right opportunities to become a woman of strength.

I urge you to also cultivate your character by asserting yourselves, recognising the talents and importance of others but most importantly discovering your self-worth – the Rwandan “Agaciro”.

Learn to love yourself and build yourself both from self evaluation and accepting constructive criticism from others. Maintain your core values of honesty, integrity and loyalty, in order to stay true to yourselves and lead others.

As they say, great leaders are those that lead by example. So start now. Wisdom will come with age, but you can start to acquire it through open-mindedness and self discipline.

Young girls, our futures are defined by our choices we make along the way. Believe in yourself and in your dreams, always have hope and your dreams will most certainly come true.

Most importantly, there is no doubt whatsoever that you are all valuable, so never ever settle for less than what you know you are worth.

With love.

Mrs Jeannette Kagame

First Lady of Rwanda

Over the past year, I’ve been writing a book about the future of sales and marketing with Howard Stevens, chairman of the leadership assessment firm Chally.

As part of a decades-long research project, Chally has gathered extensive personality data about 150,000 salespeople, including 9,000 sales managers.

Last week, I had a conversation with Howard where he described the results of a statistical analysis on the cumulative data on sales managers. While the data set is specific to sales, I believe that personality traits that emerged apply to any management position.

According to the success vs. failure statistics that Howard shared with me, successful bosses tend to be:

Humble Rather Than Arrogant

Failed bosses defined their role as some form of telling people what to do. Employees perceived them as obnoxious know-it-alls who wouldn’t let them do their job.

Successful bosses put themselves and their own egos into the background. They focused on coaching employees to perform to their highest potential.

Flexible Rather Than Rigid

Failed bosses couldn’t tolerate change themselves and so found it nearly impossible to get their employees to embrace necessary change.

Successful bosses knew that adapting to new conditions requires personal flexibility in order to inspire similar flexibility throughout the rest of the team.

Straightforward Rather Than Evasive

Failed bosses tried to manipulate employees using half-truths that left false impressions. When employees realized they’ve been fooled, they felt resentful and disloyal.

Successful bosses gave employees the information they need to know to make the best decisions, even if that information is difficult or sensitive.

Forward Thinking Rather Than Improvisational

Failed bosses often attempted to run their organizations ad-hoc, constantly shifting gears and directions, creating a more-or-less constant state of confusion.

Successful bosses had a plan and made sure that everyone understood it. They adapted that plan to changing conditions but did so carefully and intentionally.

Precise Rather Than Vague

Failed bosses created mushy goals that employees found difficult to map into actual activity. As a result, the wrong things got done and the right things didn’t.

Successful bosses let employees know exactly what was expected of them, in sufficient detail so that there was no ambiguity about goals.

Patient Rather Than Ill-Tempered

Failed bosses blew up and threw fits when problems cropped up. Their employees became more afraid of doing things wrong than eager to do things right.

Successful bosses confronted problems by listening, considering options, deciding on the best approach, and then communicating what needed to be done.

Pop diva Lady Gaga has set a social media record by becoming the first person with more than 30 million followers on Twitter.

As of Thursday afternoon, she had 30,030,949 followers on the micro-blogging website, and is adding them at the rate of 30,000 a day, according to the Starcount.com website that monitors celebrity use of social media.

The 26-year-old — real name Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta — also passed the four million mark on Google+ earlier this week, and is in second place to only Britney Spears on the search giant’s social media platform.

“Paving the way for other stars on social media, Lady Gaga often interacts with her fans and has even set up her own social network for the Little Monsters with thousands of regular users,” commented Starcount.com.

“But it is Twitter that has given her the incredible social popularity that she currently has,” it added in a blog, noting that her Twitter takeover started two years ago when she passed Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama and Spears.

“Since then, her domination on the network has gone unmatched — she was the first person to reach 10 million and 20 million followers and is keeping up the trend now with 30 million.”

Her nearest rival is teen pop sensation Justin Bieber, with 28.5 million Twitter followers, while Katy Perry has 27.2 million. Rihanna has overtaken Gaga on YouTube and Facebook, but has only 26 million followers on Twitter

Uzanyinzoga Suzan was born in 1959, she had a minor defect on her upper lip of her mouth. As she grew, the Lip also gradually increased in size.

Today Uzanyinzoga says her lip has grown so big such that it covers her lower lip and part of her face is swollen.

She is a mother of four children resident at Musongati village , Nyarusange sector in Muhanga district.

For the past years she checked in at Nyarusange health center in her district but she was not given any attention.

Uzanyinzoga says that some good samaritans once brought her to Kigali to seek treatment at the central Hospital CHK.

However, she was advised to return home promising her that CHK would send her medicine to Nyarusange hospital but she has never recieved any such medicine.

She says that these days whenever she tries doing work she gets headache and sometimes gets dizzy.

Uzanyinzoga is seeking help to find a house to stay in with her children.

Rwanda Partners organization has employed an elderly man Karongozi Stephan 84, to prevent him from begging on the streets.

He has been known to go begging at the Rwanda Partners office in Ruhango District.

Karongozi has been a popular beggar at Byimana Sector where he usually asks passengers for money.

The coordinator of Rwanda Partners Sylvie Iraguha said they have employed him to stopping his begging activities adding that it is to enable him raise his social economic livelihood.

Karongozi has promised never to beg anymore since he has a job which generates income.